THE FACTS: One day two construction workers were discussing their lunches with each other. One had a peanut butter sandwich, the other had jelly. They decided to swap one piece of bread from their sandwiches. What next? BAM!!! A new American past time. (Not too sure if PB and J is American, but it sounds good)
THE POINT:While the above story is most likely false, it begs the question: Who the hell decided to put the pb with the j? Here my group of experts come with their theories.
THE DISCUSSION:
THE PROFESSOR: Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches weren't simply made. It was a simple process of observation. One merely observed that the two things were delicious as a separate entity and then voila, they combined. On a lesser note: I fear for this society if these are the important things.
THE PREACHER: PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY IS SOMETHING OF THIS WORLD. THE LORD ALMIGHTY IS NOT CONCERNED WITH THESE THINGS. JESUS CHRIST DID NOT DIE ON THE CROSS SO YOU CAN ENJOY PEANUT BUTTER. HE DIED ON THE FOR OUR SALVATION. HE CAME TO LEAD US TO HEAVEN. PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY IS AN INSTRUMENT OF THE DEVIL.
ALL: ALLELUIA BROTHER
THE EMO/GOTH: Peanut butter and jelly is just a reminder of the pain that the world brings. It is a constant reminder that there is no longer happiness. It doesn't really matter how the snack was formed. The only thing that matters is that people who eat peanut butter and jelly are buying into false happiness. Adults eat it because they believe that it will bring them back to their simple meaningless childhood. Children eat it because they are forced to by their parents.
THE REALIST: Does this even matter?
THE WALLFLOWER: Well...ummm
ALL: SHUT THE F*$@ UP!
THE HIPPIE: Peanut butter and jelly came into existence because there was like an amazing cosmic explosion between two lonely pieces of bread. The piece of bread with the peanut butter felt incomplete so it started experimenting with all sorts of things like butter and jello and even more peanut butter. It was still unhappy and continued experimenting. The jelly bread was unhappy as well. One day, the peanut butter and jelly met and they knew they were destined to be.
THE CHILD: Yeah, mommy makes me peanut butter and jelly. It's really yummy. Sometimes she uses strawberry jelly, but I like grape better. Sometimes, when I am good, she'll even buy the kind of peanut butter with the peanuts inside, I like that a lot. I love when mommy makes my peanut butter and jelly.
ME: OK, well, thank you experts.
WHAT I THINK: Well, that was certainly interesting. I think that peanut butter and jelly is amazing and you should have some today.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Monday, January 12, 2009
Lemons
THE FACTS:So one day an unbearable optimist looked at his life and thought, "Oh my life isn't so great it's like sour lemons, so what shall I do? I'll make lemonade!" And thus society is stuck with another pointless cliche!
THE POINT: I wanted to have a variety of opinions of how people saw this cliche so I took my esteemed colleagues and asked them to tell me what they thought they would do if life gave them lemons.
THE DISCUSSION:
THE PROFESSOR: When life gives me lemons I take them to my peers, analyze them, put them through strenuous testing and discard them because they have become mush!
THE PREACHER: Did the Lord receive lemons as a sign! NO, the Lord sent fish and bread to be scattered among the people! Lemons are a sign of the DEVIL and we must cast those lemons aside! The lord does not give lemons! He provides us with what we need and we don't need DEVIL LEMONS!!! Amen brothers and sisters!
ALL: Amen?
THE EMO/GOTH: Lemons are the darkest of all fruits, I embrace the lemons because they are all bright and sunny on the outside, but bite a lemon and you get its true soul, sour like the entire world that rejects all.
THE REALIST: LEMONS! Why would anyone want Lemons, they just sit there and rot!
THE WALLFLOWER:Well...
ALL: NOBODY CARES!
THE HIPPIE: When life gives me lemons I set the lemons free. I can't tell the lemons what to do! They are not my lemons but their own lemons and in being their own lemons they are free to live their lives as they need to. And by not imposing authority on the lemons, we become one world that loves and is apart of everything. Groovy huh?
THE CHILD:Teacher says, "If life gives you lemons make lemonade!" so I will because lemonade is yummy!
ME:Alrighty, thank you again for taking time from your busy schedules to assist in my thinking.
WHAT I THINK: So here it goes. When life gives you lemonade, make cranberry sauce and let people wonder how you made it!
THE POINT: I wanted to have a variety of opinions of how people saw this cliche so I took my esteemed colleagues and asked them to tell me what they thought they would do if life gave them lemons.
THE DISCUSSION:
THE PROFESSOR: When life gives me lemons I take them to my peers, analyze them, put them through strenuous testing and discard them because they have become mush!
THE PREACHER: Did the Lord receive lemons as a sign! NO, the Lord sent fish and bread to be scattered among the people! Lemons are a sign of the DEVIL and we must cast those lemons aside! The lord does not give lemons! He provides us with what we need and we don't need DEVIL LEMONS!!! Amen brothers and sisters!
ALL: Amen?
THE EMO/GOTH: Lemons are the darkest of all fruits, I embrace the lemons because they are all bright and sunny on the outside, but bite a lemon and you get its true soul, sour like the entire world that rejects all.
THE REALIST: LEMONS! Why would anyone want Lemons, they just sit there and rot!
THE WALLFLOWER:Well...
ALL: NOBODY CARES!
THE HIPPIE: When life gives me lemons I set the lemons free. I can't tell the lemons what to do! They are not my lemons but their own lemons and in being their own lemons they are free to live their lives as they need to. And by not imposing authority on the lemons, we become one world that loves and is apart of everything. Groovy huh?
THE CHILD:Teacher says, "If life gives you lemons make lemonade!" so I will because lemonade is yummy!
ME:Alrighty, thank you again for taking time from your busy schedules to assist in my thinking.
WHAT I THINK: So here it goes. When life gives you lemonade, make cranberry sauce and let people wonder how you made it!
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