The 411 on the PB and J

THE FACTS: One day two construction workers were discussing their lunches with each other. One had a peanut butter sandwich, the other had jelly. They decided to swap one piece of bread from their sandwiches. What next? BAM!!! A new American past time. (Not too sure if PB and J is American, but it sounds good)

THE POINT:While the above story is most likely false, it begs the question: Who the hell decided to put the pb with the j? Here my group of experts come with their theories.

THE DISCUSSION:




THE PROFESSOR: Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches weren't simply made. It was a simple process of observation. One merely observed that the two things were delicious as a separate entity and then voila, they combined. On a lesser note: I fear for this society if these are the important things.

THE PREACHER: PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY IS SOMETHING OF THIS WORLD. THE LORD ALMIGHTY IS NOT CONCERNED WITH THESE THINGS. JESUS CHRIST DID NOT DIE ON THE CROSS SO YOU CAN ENJOY PEANUT BUTTER. HE DIED ON THE FOR OUR SALVATION. HE CAME TO LEAD US TO HEAVEN. PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY IS AN INSTRUMENT OF THE DEVIL.


ALL: ALLELUIA BROTHER

THE EMO/GOTH: Peanut butter and jelly is just a reminder of the pain that the world brings. It is a constant reminder that there is no longer happiness. It doesn't really matter how the snack was formed. The only thing that matters is that people who eat peanut butter and jelly are buying into false happiness. Adults eat it because they believe that it will bring them back to their simple meaningless childhood. Children eat it because they are forced to by their parents.


THE REALIST: Does this even matter?


THE WALLFLOWER: Well...ummm


ALL: SHUT THE F*$@ UP!


THE HIPPIE: Peanut butter and jelly came into existence because there was like an amazing cosmic explosion between two lonely pieces of bread. The piece of bread with the peanut butter felt incomplete so it started experimenting with all sorts of things like butter and jello and even more peanut butter. It was still unhappy and continued experimenting. The jelly bread was unhappy as well. One day, the peanut butter and jelly met and they knew they were destined to be.

THE CHILD: Yeah, mommy makes me peanut butter and jelly. It's really yummy. Sometimes she uses strawberry jelly, but I like grape better. Sometimes, when I am good, she'll even buy the kind of peanut butter with the peanuts inside, I like that a lot. I love when mommy makes my peanut butter and jelly.

ME: OK, well, thank you experts.

WHAT I THINK: Well, that was certainly interesting. I think that peanut butter and jelly is amazing and you should have some today.